Parental Matchmaking

Why is it that Asian parents have that one girl from your past that they're stuck on? That ex that they compare all subsequent girlfriends to? It doesn't matter that you guys broke up over 6 years ago, that they hated her while you were dating, or in my case, her being my bio lab partner that my mom only met twice during my sophomore summer. Every time I go home it's, 'How tha plitty Jahpunee gull? Tha one so wall-mannuh.' (haha alright, my mom doesn't talk like that. But it would've made the many times she yelled at me a lot more bearable growing up) So then, invariably, the same barrage of questions starts flying my way.

No, mom I don't know how she's doing. Yes, she was a very good girl. Yes, I think she's very pretty too. No, I don't know when I'll see her again. Yes, I'll find out where she works. Omg mom! I don't think we'll be needing a babysitter anytime soon! And this is where I typically cover my ears and run away yelling, 'La-la-la-la-la I'm not listening anymore!'

Then the next day I get a call from my mom telling me that her hair dresser asked her about her 'hansum' son and would love to set me up with her daughter, who according to my mom is skinny, pretty, and smart. And.... oh yea.. 16.

16? Wow mom... just.. wow. She's jail bait!

Then inevitably my mom hesitantly asks me what jail bait means...
As I mentally smack myself in the face and hastily stumble through the explanation I realize.. shit.. I just admitted to my mom that I was thinking about banging a 16 year old girl! (and bear in mind that my 'sex talk' consisted of her telling me 'don't do it!!' in the sixth grade). The contemplative silence of my mom during the next ten minutes was one of the most awkward moments of my life. Should have just taken her up on the babysitting offer yesterday. Fuck me!