America's Favorite Past Time

As a bona-fide, card-carrying member of the male species, it is a given that I love playing with my balls. Sometimes when I'm bored and home alone, I find myself playing with them without even realizing it. Just absentmindedly stroking them, squeezing them, and rolling them around. It's like my hand has a mind of its own. It's amazing how guys can derive so much pleasure from something so simple. Balls. Big ones, little ones, white ones, black ones, I don't discriminate. As long as they're round and bounce, sign me up. Also, if you can get more people involved, so much the better. The fun you have is directly proportional with the number of guys you're with. Though my own personal limit is nine other guys. Any more and it just gets weird. I mean... who's ever heard of 6 on 6 basketball?

I love basketball. To me, basketball is THE sport. It's full contact without it being overly physical. You can have one on one showdowns despite it being a team sport. You can have set plays, but it's okay to deviate if inspiration strikes. And best of all, it's everywhere. You can go anywhere in the nation, walk two blocks, and hear the sound of that brilliant orange ball striking the pavement. The only real drawback is that.. well.. Asians just aren't that good at it. I mean... we're just not genetically wired to be tall. At 6'-0", I already tower over most of my friends. (According to wiki, the average male height in China is 5'-8".) But besides our 'shortcomings', Asians LOVE the sport. My fobby cousin in Taiwan knows more about my beloved Kobe than I do. He can rattle off stats like he was reciting his ABC's. Too bad he can't dunk to save his life.

But basketball isn't the only sport I like. Now that football season is kicking off, I've found my 'idle hands' reaching for the ol' pigskin as often as it does my basketball. Despite it being the most complicated sport known to man, (there's got to be a million different penalties in the game. Sometimes I feel like the ref's are just making shit up because they're angry they have to carry around a little yellow hankie) it's still the most satisfying sport to watch. There's just something about a 300 lb linebacker laid out completely horizontal in the air, decking an unsuspecting quarterback, and knocking his helmet clean off that just brings a smile to my face. Ah... the joy of seeing another man doubled over in pain.

There's just one sport I can't seem to get excited about. Baseball. I'll watch soccer (though more for the awesome Spanish announcer than for the actual sport). I'll watch hockey (it's like having a full on brawl every game is required by their contracts!) Heck, I'll even watch ping pong (there's just something soothing about watching that little white ball bounce back and forth). But honestly, if it weren't for the beer and the drinking games involved, (drink every time the pitcher throws the ball is NOT a good idea) baseball would be dead to me. It's unbelievably slow. Ridiculously slow. Mind numbingly slow. It's so slow that they don't even have timeouts because well.. there's really no point. They stop after everything. A pitch.. A hit.. a bird flies by.. The only reason I respect the sport is because... have you ever tried hitting a 100 mph fastball? It's damn near impossible!

I can't explain why guys are so infatuated with balls. But we are. If there's a ball involved, you can bet that we're on that shit like white on rice. We're like Dug, the dog from Up, that way. If I see a ball bouncing by, you can bet your ass I'm chasing after it.

Sports transcends all cultures and crosses all borders. I believe that playing with balls will some day bring an end to all wars. Balls are God's gift to man. For bringing about world peace and of course... the next generation. I do it for the kids... literally. After all, we all know what I was really talking about at the beginning of this blog.

;)