Guys my age have very limited interests. Sure, some of us might branch out and have hobbies like playing the guitar, running triathlons, or training goldfish to swim in synchronization (wonder how many hours of his life that Japanese dude wasted doing that). But there is without exception one thing that every guy in the world spends at least half his day thinking about. We are constantly pondering the many layers and intricacies that shroud the mysterious and fascinating creatures that are... boobs... and to a certain extent, the girl that comes with them. Which I'm sure all you girls are flattered (or slightly disgusted) to hear. In our pilgrimage to obtain that pair of motorboat-able holy grails, we've developed many techniques and skill sets that are often amusing and entertaining to watch. I'm not going to bore you with any of my lame lines (well... maybe just one... 'My penis is like Gatorade... is it in you?') but I will say this, lines don't actually make a difference whatsoever. Sure it might break the ice and get you a foot in the bedroom door, but if you aren't a genuinely interesting and sociable person, it's all for naught.
I wish guys didn't have to play this game. Sometimes I want to just go up to a girl and just lay it all on the table for her. 'Hey, you seem like a pretty cool girl, I think you might be someone I'd like to get to know. I have these redeeming qualities, these minor faults, and the following interests/hobbies.' But alas, that just isn't the established social protocol for courting girls. Despite everything they say, they will immediately shoot you down and stomp all over you if you ever bare your heart from the start. They require that you jump through the hoops, play the game, flirt, and banter with them before they'll give you a chance to show just what a nice guy you really are. And you have to do it all without them realizing it. You have to hit on them… without actually hitting on them. You have to compliment them, by insulting them. No... I haven't been smoking... It's just the way it is. According to The Game, you have to nonchalantly approach a girl from an angle (apparently girls are like bambi, they scare easy if you face them head on), engage her in conversation in a seemingly harmless manner, throw in a time constraint to further disarm her, and then lower her self-confidence through compliments aimed at her flaws.
Wow, what a mouthful. ('TWSS' heh heh, sorry... I swear I'm not always this dirty.) No wonder so many guys strike out. And the worse part of it is, in SF, there's an additional obstacle that is the phenomenon called 'The Bitch Guard.' Where you take any nice girl off the street, throw her into a club, add alcohol, and booty shake. You get instant bitch a la mode. Once girls put on the heavy eye shadow, it's like billionaire playboy, Bruce Wayne, putting on his Batman cowl. They become all spice and no sugar. Apparently girls in SF go to clubs NOT to meet guys, but to just dance and hang out. Sorry, I'm dressed in horribly suggestive clothing not for the guys who are desperately vying for my attention, but for the two other girls here with me. I'm here purely to take self-portraits with my fellow scantily clad sorority sisters and post them on Facebook, and have people tell me how hot I am. Yes ladies, I said it. You girls SUCK!
So at the end of the night as I trudge home, head down, wallet empty, spirit broken, and companion-less, I tell myself, it's not the end of the world. You're a catch, one day your princess charming will come along and recognize you for the nice guy that you are. And if not, well... there's always Vegas.
#47 The Ninety-Nine Percenter Pipedream
14 years ago
TWSS means 'That's what she said'
ReplyDeleteI totally agree!! SF girls are so bitchy at clubs.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteHahaha
ReplyDeleteSo true! I go to clubs to hang out with the girls! :) heehee
-Lina
First of all don't take rejection from a random girl personally, because they have no idea who you are. There's a million ways you can reduce the chance of getting blown out, like using good openers, having solid, confident body language, smiling, etc.. But you'll still get blown out once in a while :) It can fuck up your state, but you gotta realize there are usually plenty of girls who would be happy to talk to you.
ReplyDeleteSure, girls go in groups with the intention of having fun and dancing. But at the end of the night they aren't talking about mundane shit like which songs they danced to or what they ordered at the bar (they won't even remember). They'll be talking about the guys they met.
Also the game was written for people who have the personality of a magician. It has a few good tips but that's about it.
I agree with Mike on his comment about girls talking about the guys they met. BUT!! I don't agree with "I totally agree!! SF girls are so bitchy at clubs." Guys, you need to know a girl is a lady at a club and not a piece of meat. We dress to impress. We want you to be confident but respect us. Don't grab, don't touch when she has not touch you, don't come in on a bold front. Important to guys....let the woman approve of you to touch her. It will make her know you're a good guy because you RESPECT her.
ReplyDeletei think that it'd be nice to be able just get a positive reaction after one does what you stated in your second paragraph, but the thing that makes it almost impossible is the look on the guys face that portrays what the guy's thinking. "i want to get my dick wet"
ReplyDeleteI loved this one. I loved that I've heard the Gatorade line before from you. what about the 21 speeds line? and what about the girls that get dressed up NOT for the two girls they're there with, but just for the sake of keeping up with the two hot guys they're there with? (namely: crazy James and jlin).
ReplyDeleteand I agree: if you mix 1 part dark eye shadow, 2 parts red lip stick, 1 part skimpy dress, a dash of 3 inch stilettos, and top it with fish nets... you have the perfect recipe for a biiiiatch with a fuck you, fuck off expression on her face. If a girl doesn't want to get hit on by a guy, then she needs to have her male partners in crime there to cockblock for her. At least I know better than to hit the clubs without my boys.