The Greatest Equalizer

There are a great many things in life that have leveled the playing field between men. Public education, golf handicaps, Shaq Vs., and what some have called "The Great Equalizer", Samuel Colt's six round revolver. These things all have one thing in common. They strip men of their strengths and leave them to compete in one area and one area alone. However, in a recent turn of events, I discovered an even greater equalizer. One that strips men of all strength and even saps their very desire to compete. For the last couple days I've been experiencing this equalizer first hand. The common cold. I've been sick at home, miserable. My entire body ached. I had a fever of 103⁰... and my head felt bigger than the size of my ego. Being sick sucked.

It saps all your strength and leaves you whimpering under your covers. It reduces you to a blubbering four year old and you end up curled up in the fetal position all day, crying for help. In my fever-induced hallucinogenic state, I distinctly remember calling out for my mom as I tossed and turned. I called out for her, my step-mom, my roommate, Eliot from Scrubs, and during an especially horrific hot flash, the blessed Virgin Mary. At the very height of my misery, I was begging for someone, anyone... to come rub my back and reassure me that it's physically impossible to cough up a lung.

Being sick is disgusting. Your body starts morphing into the monsters from Aliens. You cough up that toxic green, acid phlegm. You start making weird noises. Grunts, hacking coughs, retching, and your voice turns raspy. Your vision blurs, your body is constantly sweating, and you cringe at direct sunlight. If I'm sick for longer than two weeks, my transformation will be complete and you should send for the Predator to put me out of my misery.

Looking back at these tumultuous 48 hours, I realize that when I get sick, I get really sick. And I don't get sick very often so I feel like when I do, it's the biggest and baddest buggers that get to me. I've read magazine articles saying that women deal with sickness better than men, and that men over exaggerate their symptoms. Wholly untrue! (at least for me). That may be the case for married men or guys in committed relationships who use sickness as an excuse to be pampered and cared for (pansies), but as a man standing alone, unattached and unencumbered by nagging spouses, I have no reason to exaggerate or fake symptoms for empathy. I have no one around to make me soup, buy me medicine, cook for me, feed me, tuck me in.. hug me.. hold me... tell me everything's gonna be alright.... Damn, being sick when your alone really sucks.

It's actually quite a humbling experience. It was the first time I've been sick since my break up a year ago and the first time that I really missed being in a relationship. Not back with the ex mind you, but just having someone around that you can depend on. Being strong and independent all the time gets tiring. I'm sure even Atlas loved it when Hercules stopped by and they passed the ball around. But at the same time I learned something about myself. I learned that I can stand strong in the face of adversity. That at a time when I felt I was down and out for the count, I was able to pull myself up by the bootstraps... and make a damn good chicken soup from scratch. Not to shabby for the typical Asian male. Chicken soup for the jaded and lovelorn soul!