Bromance

It's universal. Shunned, exalted, glorified, or ostracized. Homosexuality has been a part of our society since the first time the people of Sodom misinterpreted 'Love thy neighbor'. The Greek even believed that the love between two men was of a higher order than the love between a man and a woman. Personally, I can't imagine why men would lust after penii (penises?) and man boobs. Why seek out stuff you already have? The only time I'll ever check out another guy's body is to look at his abs and arms and think, 'Damn, how the hell can I get mine to look like that?' The discipline it takes to obtain the 'cut' look that women swoon over is ridiculous. You either have to have the dedication and focus of a Tibetan monk, or be obsessively compulsive and narcissistic. Hailing from neither of these, I am constantly jealous and secretly bitter whenever I go to the gym and see guys with 5% body fat. It's not that I don't work out, it's just that I love eating too much. You can take away my gadgets, my car, or even beloved 'shiao shong shong' (the scruffy teddy bear perched on my dresser that I've had since I was two years old), but threaten me with 'No more double-doubles!' and I'll crack faster than Rosie O'Donnell on the South Beach Diet.

I have no qualms about one man loving another... as long as it's the legit kind, 'Agape'. But for one reason or another, guys of my generation have all become... 'homo'. The homophobes are out, and the homophillics are ubiquitous. It's ridiculous how many pictures of ugly hookers I see on Facebook. If Halloween is an excuse for a girl to dress slutty, it's also the only time it's acceptable for guys to embrace their inner tranny. Nowadays, everywhere I go I see reenactments of Brokeback. There's a lot that can be said about present day social norms when vibrant young men in the prime of life routinely molest each other. There was a time when I absolutely refused to even hug another guy. But I've long since shed such inhibitions and embraced bromance to the fullest. If you can't beat them, join them, because the gay hetero movement relentlessly surges forward like the unforgiving flood waters of Hurricane Katrina, forever changing the landscape of male bonding.

Sometimes I feel like we're disrespecting the proud men that are truly gay. What with our loose use of the word 'fag' and all its creative euphemisms.. (sausage jockey, fudge packer, bone smoker, rump ranger, turd burglar.. and the list goes on). But thankfully I've found that, since some of my best friends are of the dual sword discipline, as long as they know you fully support their lifestyle, you're usually allowed to use the word 'gay' in everyday life. (It's similar to the use of the word 'nigga'. 'You gotta check with your nigga consulate' for when you can use it, see Chris Rock's Kill the Messenger) The other terms, well... use at your own discretion.

But on the subject of straight men acting gay, I say if I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to slap my buddy on the ass, then who are you to judge? In the words of the 644 crew, 'It's not gay if you don't fall in love.' Girlfriends be damned. Leave room in that bed for one more. I'll join u right after I'm done hugging it out. But don't worry... No homo.